we have officially lost it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
