I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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