Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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