paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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