Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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