I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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