but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
