sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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