So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
