I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
