Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
