haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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