I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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