I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
