Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
