I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
