my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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