tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you will always have a special place in my vag
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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