I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
