I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
