i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
