Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She needs sedatives and a leash
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
