Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
