i don't like sucking hair
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
