i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never underestimate the power of titties
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
