I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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