Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
