News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
