i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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