remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
