Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
