Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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