I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
