So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
