i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
