this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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