I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
