My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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