I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
