My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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