I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
