dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
