Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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