He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
