is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
