Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
