so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
