I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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