i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
