Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
