you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
