Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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