drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
