No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
