can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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