im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
