Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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