I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
