Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
