Having a random hookup so left but love u
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
