i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
