She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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