why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize