It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
