A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
