i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
