I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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