so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
