i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
