I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dignity is for republicans.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
